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15th Aug 2022

You Already Know The Answer by GGC Agony Aunt The Guidance Gal

In August we launched a brand new feature in the main GGC Community – Supportive Sunday – in collaboration with GGC Business Member Toni Sheriff. As the GGC agony aunt, Toni is creating regular blog content for us all based on the overriding themes we see posted in our community (as well as providing supportive feedback to the ‘Supportive Sunday’ posts, welcome to blog 1: You Already Know The Answer…

You Already Know The Answer

 Dating can be tricky (which I’m sure many of you will know), but it can be even trickier when we’re worried about judgement from others, and self.

Over the past few weeks, a couple of advice questions have been posted along the lines of “should I go on a date with…”. There have been different scenarios, but ultimately all are looking for opinions on whether they should go or not. The responses have been great, very mixed, but great. However, this mixed response confirms the advice that I have given – only you know the answer to your question.

In many of the posts, the person asking the question has been worried about how others would take their decision. What would others think of them if they went on a date with this person? But let me ask you, how many people have different opinions on different things? Mostly all of us! There isn’t a right or wrong answer. Just different beliefs based on how people have been brought up. At the end of the day it all boils down to how you feel inside.

Yes there are times we need to factor in other people’s feelings, of course, but we can’t always live our lives based on how other people will think of us.

So, whittle the thoughts down that you are having in your head, the pros and cons of going on the date. What is actually stopping you from doing what you want to do? Would you be holding yourself back from something amazing just to stop people talking about you or thinking badly of you? Or are the judgments that you think others would have actually a mirror of how you would feel about yourself? Your mind could be trying to show you that this is the wrong decision for you, because you wouldn’t be happy with yourself for going on the date.

My go to now when making decisions is that if I even have to ask myself the question, it is probably a no. If you wanted to do something, the answer would be yes instantly. Okay, your mind would then go into “but what if” mode and start listing reasons as to why you shouldn’t, but if you were following your intuition and trusting your gut, you would go with the first thought that popped into your head when the question was asked. If you have to ask, especially others, then doubt is creeping in. You’re seeking validation that you are doing the right thing, because part of you is likely judging yourself for wanting to do it. If enough people tell you to go for it then you feel safer doing so, even when you know deep down it’s not right for you.

It can help to pretend that your best friend is asking you for advice. What would you tell them? Always listen to the advice you give to others, it’s what you truly believe without your self-sabotaging behaviours getting in the way.

Doubt and outside influence will always play a part in decision making, but some of us need to get better at listening to our gut. It will always lead you down the right path for you. It may not be the path you expect it to be, or play out the way you had hoped. But there will always be something that you needed to learn along the way.

Listen to yourself more, trust how you feel and allow others opinions to be just that… theirs, not yours.

Toni xox

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